In part two, we noted that the differences between team members can hinder (or help!) teamwork. The same is true about disagreements. They can tear teamwork apart – or be the very thing that makes the teamwork so valuable. The books of Acts and the epistles assure us repeatedly that Christians dealt with disagreements from the very beginning.
Many people have a desire to avoid conflict at all costs. They handle disagreements by pretending they don’t exist. This creates a fake peace, but it kills teamwork. So how should we handle disagreements? I want to think about this very practically. Let’s suppose that there is some disagreement about the songs that the music leader is selecting for worship. Maybe some people in the congregation have some disagreements with the words, or think they are just too boring. Maybe the pastor is not especially comfortable with the style. Maybe the musicians think they are too hard to sing (and play).
So here is a team (a local church family, and a church leadership team), and some people on the team disagree with some decisions being made by someone else on the team (the music leader). What should they do about their disagreement? Here are some questions they might ask themselves:
- How important is this disagreement? Put it in perspective. Because we generally hate conflict so much, we tend to tense up and get worked up when we sniff any disagreement. Take a deep breath: in the big picture, how important is this?
- What is my role? In our example, the pastor has a much greater role in this situation than the people in the congregation. Their opinions matter – but the pastor is responsible before God for the music that is used in the church. So the people involved can ask: “Am I overstepping my bounds? Do I have a God-given responsibility here?” They also may need to ask “If I ignore this, would I be avoiding a God-given responsibility?” This would be the case for the pastor: if he has serious concerns about the music and does nothing about it, he is chickening out of his God-given role.
- Am I sure that my perspective is right? We have a sad tendency to jump to conclusions, assuming that our opinion, perspective, or “gut reaction” is right. Is it really? Do I have all of the facts? Do I know why the music leader is choosing the songs he is choosing? What criteria is he using? What guidelines has the pastor given him? Is my opinion based purely on personal taste? Proverbs 28:26 He who trusts in his own heart is a fool. We need to differentiate between disagreements based on facts, and disagreements based on opinions (or even our ignorance!).
- Am I complaining to others without talking to the people who can do something about it? Am I griping to others in the congregation without ever having brought it up with the music leader? This connects to the previous question: am I spreading my opinions before I’ve even checked to verify that they are correct? Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise (Prov. 10:19).
- Am I stewing over this, yet I’m too afraid to do anything about it? Because we hate conflict, we have a tendency to just mull over our disagreements instead of doing something about it. Unless our “mulling” is carefully directed by Scripture, we will get more upset the longer we stew.
- What does God want me to do about it? Maybe you should do nothing: you realize it’s just a matter of opinion or taste, and it’s not really within your God-given responsibilities to change things (i.e., it’s not really your business). Other times it will be clear that you should do something about it. The musicians should talk to their music leader. The pastor should spend time with him, talking through the philosophy of church music. Don’t wait until you’ve stewed on something so long that your pot is ready to boil over and burn anyone nearby.
Now some people are glad to tell you how they disagree, but it never seems to be very helpful. In the next post, we’ll talk about how can you bring up a disagreement in a helpful way.
